she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just had sex on a roof
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
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