That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
