Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
