i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
