Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
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That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
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apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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