now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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