I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
