He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
