At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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