Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize