He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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