he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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