I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
