I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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