Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
