Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
