I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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