I have demons in me.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
