Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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