Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
