cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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