What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
