I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
