quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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