My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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