I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
