i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think I died a long time ago.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
