You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
