Define "chronic" masturbator.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
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I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
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Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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