So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
