Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
