I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
