Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
