RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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