yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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