Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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