Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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