she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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