He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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