i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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