was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
