i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The feeling are messing with the penis
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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