3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
