It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
