the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
