Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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