tell your sister to shave her snatch
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
