i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
