what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
