I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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