dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
