Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
