Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
so much tequila, so little girl.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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