So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
