:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
