8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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