OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
