I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I need water and some morals
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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