I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
