Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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